Awake at 7.15am, read for an hour in bed, what luxury! Excited to be on Day 10, sounds daft but I feel like I’ve achieved something big. I know i’ve done ten days previously when doing ‘Dry January’ or ‘Sober October’ but those times I had the mindset that “this is just temporary, get to the end of the month then drink again.” This time I don’t intent to start again, even after the 100 Day Challenge is over, I want life-long sobriety now.
Off out for a walk, nicely hydrated, I’m still drinking 1.5L of water a day – maybe that is why my skin is looking so good this last week (i’m getting younger haha!). Home, catch up with Coronavirus news, Scrabble, read, drink coffee, lunch, do a bit of work online. Catch some rays – not for long it’s really hot outside, well, about 25C which is hot to someone who normally resides at pretty much 57 degrees north. Cooked dinner, pretty happy and relaxed about not drinking. Put in an online order to the Wise Bartender website for AF beers and AF wines – asked for it to be delivered to my neighbour back at home so that it’s ready and waiting for me when I (eventually) get back home.
DD2 and GS2 went home from hospital this afternoon, a big relief.
OH went off early to go shopping as there are fewer people around then so less risk of the dreaded virus. When he got back I was so disappointed that he hadn’t been able to find any alcohol free beer and to my shame had a total meltdown and proper full-on toddler tantrum. I could see myself doing it and still couldn’t help myself. Doh! I’d just that minute finished a meditation on dealing with anger too and I still flipped out. Poor OH, it wasn’t his fault, I don’t know why I had, worryingly, built it up in my mind to be so important – the only thing I could come up with is that as it’s so hot here during late afternoon something, long, cold and beer-like would just hit the spot. Oh well, onwards and upwards as there will be no opportunity to go to the shops for another six or seven days with being in lockdown.
Walk, three miles, hot and sunny. Then my usual daily routine of Scrabble, read the newspaper online, message friends and family, work online, cop some rays until too hot. Made flapjacks as I had the ingredients and I’m getting the munchies for something sweet – I believe this is pretty normal when first giving up the booze. Also meant as a peace offering to OH – is this what they call Humble Pie? Cooked dinner, read book until gone 11pm (now part way through Tired of Thinking About Drinking – Belle Robertson).
Very vivid dreams last night but slept really well. Felt very cheerful when I woke up. Walked, trying to be gentle with myself and also practicing ‘being present’ I’m looking around at the plants and flowers and listening to the birds. I felt like could have walked a lot further but I have to stay in the vicinity of home I think today was the first stirrings of lockdown fatigue I’ve had… Read, played Scrabble online, sat in sun and copped a few rays. Did some work online. Cooked dinner and went to bed by 9pm to read, fell asleep as soon as I turned the light out
Up at 8am, feel well rested and no headache today. Still feeling a little nonplussed when I look in the mirror first thing in the morning and i’m looking quite “glowy” and healthy instead of red-eyed, pale and crappy – and that’s only after a week. I already know that whatever happens today I won’t drink because hey! i’ll have made it to one whole week.
Housework day, cleaned around OH’s winebox and wasn’t even a tiny bit tempted to open the tap and lie under it, sometimes in the past a wee drinky has oiled the wheels for doing the chores but no more of that! Not a bad day at all. Yay, one whole week AF, happy dancing!
Woke around 8am, still got weird pain in head and neck, took a couple of paracetamol. Went for a walk – cool, breezy and a bit of rain here today. Headache went away but head still full of feathers and I still feel so tired. I asked the ladies on the 100 day challenge team that i’m on about it and whether it is normal in the first week and they said “absolutely!” Phew and thank you Panda’s People team you are lovely and i’m already proud to be a part of your team 🙂
Finished the Sober Diaries which was an excellent read and started on The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. I feel it’s been doing me good to journal too. Bed at 9pm but read for a while until I was falling asleep.
A bad nights sleep – maybe too much coffee yesterday? Weird pain in my back on the lefthand side, just slept in an awkward position I think. Up at 9am, late for me. Feeling lazy but went for a walk – so many butterflies around, I was walking through the field and they were all around me, many different types. Wonderful!
GS2 a little better this morning thankfully but still not home. My stomach is definitely less bloated, I wasn’t imagining it and i’ve been drinking up to 1.5L of water a day so that should help with flushing any toxins out. Bit of a vague headache still and totally shattered by 7.30pm, so so tired, but toughed it out to 9.30pm, asleep within minutes.
I went to bed around 11pm last night and slept like a log. Feel good this morning. Reading The Sober Diaries now by Clare Pooley, Scary, I recognised so much of myself in Clare – heck we even each have ‘cockroach incidents’ in our past 😂
Surfed around on the Soberistas website, some very inspiring people on there! Went for walk, came back after getting halfway, stomach not feeling good. The afternoon and evening was spent feeling a bit irrationally irritated, anxious and stressed and as though my head is full of feathers. Doesn’t help that DD2 and GS2 are back in hospital as his jaundice has worsened. The worry would normally have me heading into a bottle but thankfully not today.
Woke up feeling very cheerful and definitely less bloated in the tummy area – I didn’t eat any differently yesterday, even had cake with honey. Slight headache late morning but it soon wore off after heading out for a lovely walk. Spent quite a bit of time (as i’m in lockdown anyway) reading quit lit, todays choice is “I Need to Stop Drinking” by Liz Hemingway. It didn’t stop me looking longingly at OH’s glass of wine at dinner time when we ate our pasta, that’s as far as it went though, I didn’t have any really serious thoughts about inbibing.
Headache this morning, maybe i’m detoxing. Took paracetamol, went shopping on way back from the dentists and managed to totally avoid the booze aisle – the Amaretto was calling my name but I ignored it, I’ve got through 3 litres of that stuff in the last month. Not good. OH got his 5L wine box. I was OK until I sat down to eat dinner this evening and I would have liked a glass of wine but i’ve now decided to commit to 100 days, a nice round figure and now i’m feeling positive and motivated.
I don’t really feel any different today but there again I was drinking yesterday evening so it’s probably all still in my system. Before going to bed last night I decided now is the time to go AF – see my Day Zero post. Dinnertime today it was hard not to have a glass of wine as my OH is probably never likely to give up though he has no issue with me quitting. I’m reading quit lit, Sober in Seven by Andy Smith.
References to alcohol and how it apparently enhances your life are seemingly everywhere… Lies, it’s all lies you know…